The Talk
by lovelover123
Summary: One Shot - Rachel and Tom finally confront their feelings after the fallout from Niels' death...


Hello lovelies! I was theorizing about the finale of The Last Ship season 2 and after Tex's speech, Tom and Rachel absolutely have to talk. So, this is just a drabble of what I would love to happen even though I'm sure it won't. This is my first TLS fanfic so be gentle with me in your reviews ;)

I do not own The Last Ship because if I did, Tomchel would be official and Danny would be all mine…

 **The Talk**

Sea spray blew straight in her face but she didn't care. Her eyes remained focused only on the Nathan James and her mind on its captain. The boats sped across the bay toward the ship but they still couldn't go fast enough to suit Rachel. She'd missed enough opportunities and she wouldn't wait any longer.

Ever since her reckless decision to kill Niels, her relationship with Tom had been more than strained. Every encounter, every glance, every conversation he had with her was filled with tension, anger, disappointment and mistrust. She'd lost track of how many times she'd cried herself to sleep, the two times a week she _did_ sleep that is. And Rachel wasn't the kind of person to let her emotions get the best of her. She almost never cried. She was resilient, focused, and guarded. She'd grown up in foreign countries feeling completely alone aside from her missionary parents and faced unimaginable realities in third world countries at a young age.

Then the unnecessary death of her mother equally softened and hardened her. At nine years old, she became more resolved in her new life mission than most adults four times her age. Yet her heart became even more sympathetic to any man, woman, and child affected by the horrors of disease and the dangers of war and she wanted to make sure no one else lost a mother, father, or child if she could help it.

But losing the trust of the man who had trusted her blindly when no one else had, who had risked his life and the life of his crew for her safety, the man who had held her tightly with raw emotion and pure need when she discovered the way to cure humanity, the man who promised her he would move heaven and earth just to get her a Bengal tiger if that's what she wanted... He was the man she'd give up her life for in a heartbeat as she had on the Vyerni and he would stubbornly fight her the whole time to protect her. He was the only man who could help her save the world. Disappointing him, losing his trust, his admiration... was more than she could handle. She'd lost so much already. He was her unexpected anchor in this new world that she was expected to save.

She could only hope that she would not miss her chance to tell him how she felt - how much she missed the way they lead together, the way he trusted her, would do anything for her. Rachel would never utter it and she barely admitted it to herself but she missed him, just him. The way he looked at her and she noticed how his eyes sparkled. The way he protected her, asked if she was okay. She even missed the way they argued, full of heat and passion that made her heart race. He made her feel anger, frustration, exhaustion, excitement, purpose, passion... He made her feel safe. She couldn't risk almost losing him for the third time since the fallout from Niels' death.

The boats finally arrived at the ship. Rachel alighted on the deck, eyes still searching for the Captain. She found him almost instantly. He was already with the President, deep in conversation. But he continued to look up at the individuals coming over the deck, as if he was looking for someone. And he was. That's when he spotted her. Their eyes locked once again, the way they had when she left the ship, with so much left unsaid. They stood that way for what felt like minutes but was really only a few seconds before the President got his attention again and he looked away.

She didn't notice Tex had walked up beside her as she looked out to the sea, trying to make sense of it all. "I told you. You'll get your chance," he said, and began to walk away before she could respond. He turned to look at her once more and nodded with a wink, bringing a smile to her face.

On her way back to the lab to drop of the supplies, Rachel spotted Danny and Kara wrapped in an tearful embrace, clinging to each other while hidden beneath a stairwell. She couldn't help but smile. She felt guilty spying but so much of her heart longed for what they had. But she resigned herself to loneliness, the only life she'd ever really known. And with her latest decision, she was sure it would remain that way. The crew may have supported her but she worried about how many times she'd lied to them and if she would ever really gain anyone's trust again.

She peeled her eyes away from the couple when they started kissing and finally took her supplies back to the lab before setting off to find the Captain. She knew she was only supposed to be in the lab or in her quarters but she never really followed orders anyway. She looked all over but couldn't find him. She was finally making her way to the control room when she spotted Slattery.

"Commander?" she asked as she hurried up to him.

"Dr. Scott," Mike smiled.

"Have you seen the Captain?" she asked. "I need to talk to him urgently," she pleaded.

"He was just finishing with the President," he said. Mike could see how much she needed to find Tom in her eyes. He knew Tom and Rachel had a complicated relationship and his best friend hadn't seemed right since Niels' death. He would always stand by the Captain but after all the good that Rachel had done, Slattery secretly found it hard to support his actions toward Rachel. He needed the two leaders to work it out more than anyone so they could keep completing their mission. "Do you want to wait in his quarters?"

"Thank you," Rachel said. Mike escorted her to the room Rachel had visited frequently before the fallout. She missed being here. Discussing her progress with the cure, making their next move, just checking in. She needed them to be okay.

She made her way toward his portrait hanging on the wall. She stood there for minutes, looking at his chiseled face and the bluest of eyes. Rachel's eyes started tearing then, thinking of how much she'd hurt him. She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard the door open and click again.

"Doctor?" the Captain questioned, not wanting to startle her. Rachel turned immediately and told herself to regain her composure. She made her way toward him. She was still unable to read his face. "I understand you were looking for me."

"Yes," Rachel answered. Her stomach turning in knots as she tried to figure out where to begin but he beat her to it.

"I understand you cured a family while on land," he started, a knowing look on his face, leaning on his desk in front of her. Her stomach became even tighter. She'd broken protocol and ignored her own safety, as usual, to save the sick child and her parents. Just one more thing for the Captain to add to his list of grievances with her. She didn't know it but he did know she'd ignored orders and he had been frustrated at first. But Slattery, Tex, and the President all agreed it was worth it, particularly for the intel they had received. And most importantly, she saved lives like she always did. She could only nod her head. "Good," he continued. "So I suppose it's our turn next?"

"Yes," she nodded, thankful he hadn't scolded her and uttered his classic, 'Don't do it again' instructions or worse. "I'll prepare the boosters for the crew just before we go on land again so they can cure as many as possible during the contagious period. You'll need that shrapnel removed first though," she said with a knowing look toward his abdomen.

"Yes, Doctor. Whatever you say," he almost smirked. Why was he being so nice to her? She wondered. No, they were nowhere near the way they used to be but he was at least talking to her without them both being unable to look at one another. This was almost more painful than when he'd been so cold to her because this is what she had missed. Him... Them... She'd missed this.

"So, are _you_ okay?" he questioned thoughtfully.

Rachel could only look at him, the shock on her face was obvious partnered with her small disbelieving breath. "Yes," she finally managed.

"What?" he asked, clearly confused by her surprise.

"It's just... You haven't asked me that since... It doesn't matter," she shook her head, arms wrapping around her middle as she rocked back and forth on her feet to summon the courage to complete the task she had come here for.

"Rachel," he nearly whispered, finally understanding what she meant. "Hey," he continued more deeply to get her attention as he took a step toward her. "I _do_ still care that you're okay," he explained, thinking back to how oblivious he had been. Had he been so angry that he had become so unfeeling toward her? He wondered. The nearly undetectable upturn of her lips into a what could almost have been a smile as she finally raised her head to look at him again brought him out of his thoughts. "Now what was it you needed to tell me?" he asked, his full attention on her.

"Tom, I'm sorry. I'm so... so sorry. I should never have killed Niels..." Rachel started.

"Rachel," Tom began to stop her.

"No. No," she added more forcefully. "I have to tell you this. I need you to know. I.." she caught herself quickly. "We almost lost you. More than once actually," she said, her head down with pain from the memories of him coding in the operation while she pulled the shrapnel out of his body. "I missed my chance to tell you this so many times and I just... I can't do that again. You have to know," She looked up at him, pleading in her brown eyes for him to see and hear her the way he used to. She needed him to listen.

"I shouldn't have done it," she shook her head. "I thought I could right all the wrongs he did. I just wanted to fix it. I'm a doctor, it's what I do. And I wanted to keep you as far away from it as possible so I couldn't have you involved. You had enough to worry about. But in trying to protect you, I've realized I hurt you more than I could have imagined. I put you in an impossible position and I'm sorry."

His gaze hadn't left her yet. The pain in his eyes was clear but it wasn't just hurt and disappointment, he saw this woman in front of him, usually so sure, so certain. He saw how broken she was. How tired she seemed. How sorry she was and his heart broke. She was about to continue but he spoke first. "Rachel," he sighed. "God, why did it have to be you? I wanted it to be anyone but you," he admitted with a breathy brokenness in his voice. Her tears brimmed over her eyelids now, blurring her vision as they were caught in her eyelashes.

"I know..." she whispered. "He _did_ deserve to die. I stand by that. But I shouldn't have made that decision. But when I thought about how he killed all those people. All those children. He put the virus in those teddy bears..." she broke off, turning away from him as she tried to compose herself as the emotions rushed over her. "He knew what he was doing. He let those bears be given to children so they would die. They were children!" she gasped as tears filled her eyes. "We're the adults! We are the ones who are supposed to protect them. They were supposed to feel safe. They were supposed to feel loved. And the very thing that could have brought them comfort in the horrors of this new world was the very thing that brought their nightmares to life. He didn't just let those children die. He made them. He killed them. And he never said he was sorry. He was _proud_ of what he did! What he created!" She finally stopped to take a breath, still trying to compose herself from the anger that emanated from her core but turning around to face him again. "So I thought I could fix that."

Tom sighed as he realized how blind he had been. He had been so focused on his own mission that he had ignored Rachel's emotions completely. Since when had they stopped consulting each other and gotten so off track? Every time she'd tried to talk to him, whether it was about going to the labs rather than hunting the sub or even working with Niels, in his stubbornness he fought her. They'd been a team once. Saving the world together since the beginning. But had he been so focused on finding Ramsey that he'd partially caused this? Rachel, tears still in her eyes, brought him back out of his thoughts.

"In Baltimore, I had one dose left of my cure. Only one dose. There was a mother and her child," she took a breath as she looked at the wall, willing herself to carry on. "She had to choose. She had to choose to let her child live. Knowing he would grow up in this world without her. She gave up her life so he could live but knowing he would live without her. And _he_ did that. Niels did that," she was shaking now, full of sadness at the memories and anger, both at herself but still at the man who had destroyed the world. "He killed so many people," she was crying now. Crying in anger at herself. Crying for all the children, all the mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and sons and daughters who's lives Niels had cut short.

How could he have missed this? He thought. Had he been so bent on revenge, on his version of justice for the Immunes that everyone else's experiences had been pushed aside? He began to realize just much this virus had hurt her too. How sad and how lonely she must have been, blaming herself after Baltimore that she couldn't save more.

"I watched my mother die from malaria when I was nine because my father wouldn't allow her to be treated," his face dropped at her words. Understanding, sympathy, and something more washing over him. "And I thought, how can we sit by and let disease and disaster claim anymore lives so unnecessarily? So I devoted my life to making sure that no more children lost their mothers or fathers if I could help it. But because of him, I've had to watch families ripped apart from what he created. Everything I've fought to stop. He took the very science I dedicated my life to using for good and perverted it to annihilate the human race. And he didn't even care, " she was gasping for air now, the emotions no longer able to be expressed merely through tears.

He felt his heart constricting for her, imagining the burden she must have put on herself at such a young age. The weight and the guilt and the anger she had carried. He finally began to understand. If only he had talked to her, he thought, realized he wasn't the only one in pain. Would she have felt the need to do it? Would she have felt she needed to prove herself again and again? He watched her sobbing form now, pain in his eyes as he saw this beautiful woman hurting and partially because of him.

"I'm sorry," she finished, realizing she'd once again let her emotions get the better of her. "I... I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I will go on land when we make port and I will take my punishment. I know I deserve it. I just had to tell you that. I know you can never forgive me. But I need to to know that, more than anything, I'm sorry I hurt you. You're the only person who believed in me and I let you down. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me and I don't know how to fix it but I want to. I need you to trust me again. I miss it. I miss y..." she caught herself again, dangerously close to sharing some of the deepest feelings she'd realized she had during this apocalyptic ordeal. "I miss talking to you and helping you and the crew... I'm so sorry..." she finished, out of breath and out of words. She looked at him as though she'd bared her whole heart to him. She had no words, no emotions left. She was waiting for him to say something, anything. She didn't care if he yelled at her more. If he turned and walked away and never spoke to her again. It was the last thing she wanted but she wanted him to know how she felt even if it meant he'd never speak to her again. She couldn't lose him without him knowing she never wanted to hurt him.

She waited on baited breath for him to speak, scream, yell, or just turn and walk away. What he did however was the last thing she ever expected and all she ever could have wanted in that moment. He took one more step toward her, wrapping his arms around her tiny frame the way he once had and pulled her to him. It was the first full human contact she'd had since he'd held her the night she found the cure. She melted into him as she had that night. He held her up as she was still sobbing, the emotions she'd been filing away finally taking a toll on her. She'd been so lonely, so guarded that now she had bared her feelings to him, she couldn't hide it any longer.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered in her ear as he squeezed her tighter. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. I should never have pushed you to work with him," he apologized, realizing how he'd guilted her into this. Knowing she had always felt she needed to prove herself to the crew but especially to him.

"No... you couldn't have known," she countered.

"Rachel..." he said, pulling back to look in her yes but his arms not leaving her body. "I should have known how he would treat you when he demanded to talk to you. I shouldn't have put that burden on you." Just three days ago he would probably not even listened to her, his anger too strong that she'd put him in that position but that it was her, the woman who he'd come to look for on his way around the ship, the one he went to visit just to see how she was doing, and the one he would die protecting and not just because she held the cure. But his past two near brushes with death had softened him, made him realize how precious life was and how his anger at her wasn't worth it. And he was starting to realize, his actions were partially because he was angry at himself for what she had made him feel, the way he felt now with her wrapped in his arms.

"It killed me to punish you. I didn't want it to be you," he started, stepping away as it was his turn to share now. "You know I had to," he explained with a shake of his head.

"I know," Rachel breathed.

"But it wasn't what I wanted," he whispered, the pain of his decision showing on his face.

"Tom," she wanted to argue, knowing it's what she deserved.

"Rachel," he stopped her with a step toward her again, their bodies only inches apart. "I know what I said before. I was angry. Angry it was you and angry that I'd put you in that position. But you _are_ good. You always have been and I do still trust you. Do you remember what you said when we first started this mission? The only way this is going to work is if we work together. That is still true. More than ever, in fact. And I can't do this alone. Rachel, I need you," he said, longing present in his eyes for more than a partner to save the world but they had time. They were on their way.

She didn't speak, she couldn't. She was exhausted and ecstatic all at the same time. Their arms once again found their way around each other, as if it was second nature. She was still crying, but now with joy that they were back to they way they had been, but this time even stronger. His head was buried in her hair as he began to speak, wanting her to know it was okay. "And you're not going on land. You're not leaving us," she pulled back just enough to see his face, more shock filling her face. "I actually already arranged it with the President. You're being fully pardoned at my insistence. His too, actually. He is so proud of you and the cure he wouldn't have it any other way. And neither would I."

Rachel was speechless. She hadn't expected any of this to happen. "Tom," she began. But the door to his quarters was filled with a knock and suddenly opened. They barely had enough time to separate before Slattery walked in, shock evident on his face to what he had walked in.

"Commander," he ventured carefully.

"Yes, XO," Tom answered, trying to ignore the smirk in his best friend's eyes.

"We're ready to make port when you give the order," he continued.

"Very well, prepare the ship," the Captain answered. "Dismissed," he nodded, knowing he would have many questions to answer for Mike later.

Slattery nodded at the Captain with one more smirk and then nodded toward Rachel before exiting.

" I should go get the boosters ready," Rachel uttered, making her way toward the door and still unsure where this sudden expression of emotions had left them.

"Rachel," Tom whispered, following her. She looked up at him, waiting with worry for him to pretend as though this had never happened. "We're okay," he told her with a small smile that she returned even larger as she nodded, barely able to suppress her glee that, as Tex said, she and the Captain were just that once more.

The day passed with Rachel working diligently on the vaccine boosters. She explained the contagious period to the crew and how imperative it was for them to touch as many people as possible once on land. Little did she know the dangers that were awaiting them there. But all she could think about was the way he'd held her again, the way he'd forgiven her. They were okay and that was all that mattered again.

The Captain was preparing the ship to make port, handing out orders and preparing a plan to land infiltration. He was happier now. The crew noticed, assuming it was because of Ramsey's defeat but Mike couldn't help but think it had much more to do with Dr. Scott. He couldn't wait to tease Tom about it mercilessly. And he was right. The ship was home again. Everything was right. They, the leaders of saving this new world, were okay again just like he had wanted.

xxxxxx

Two days later, the Nathan James crew had more to celebrate than just the contagious cure they were spreading on land. Danny and Kara were finally tying the knot with Captain Chandler's more than cheerful blessing.

The crew appeared in their dress uniforms for the sunset wedding in the courthouse by the bay. Rachel was finally able to wear the black dress she had been told to pack in case of a uniformed ceremony. She was thankful it wasn't a funeral. They'd lost so many already.

She emerged through the back door of the courthouse with Kara, who insisted she be with her and Alicia. As Kara and Danny exchanged vows, she stood looking on with the crew, tearing up with that knowledge that through all the bad, there was always something good to balance it out.

Tom had stood by the XO close to the front near Danny. He'd been busy with their new mission on land and arrived just on time, focused on the couple but still subconsciously looking for Rachel.

It was when the music started and the food was served that he'd found her from across the room. She stood out like a rose in a field of wildflowers. Her simple black dress framing her perfect form amidst the sea of Navy uniforms around her. Tom couldn't deny she'd made him feel something since the day she had arrived on his ship. With all they'd been through, she continued to keep cause him to question his growing feelings for her. Now, there was no doubt. He couldn't take his eyes off of her now, finally understanding how deeply his feelings truly went.

It was soon, too soon some would say after losing Darien, after she lost Alex. But as he'd said before, things always move faster in an apocalypse. They needed each other in more ways than one. It would be slow a process, still focusing on their mission and trying to make sense of protocol but Tom had never been more sure of what he wanted. And he wouldn't hurt her again.

"Doctor?" Tom asked as he walked up slowly behind Rachel. She turned suddenly to look at him, a smile lighting up her face. "Would you care to dance?" Surprise

"Are you sure? What will the crew think?" she asked, wondering what type of message they would be sending to the crew and if he would be okay with it.

"Rachel," he moved closer. "The crew has to know we're okay. It gives them hope and keeps up morale. And of course I'm sure," he smiled.

"Then I'd be honored," she smiled as she reached to grasp the arm he offered her.

Tom led to the dance floor beside Danny and Kara who were too lost in one another to notice the leaders of their ship. Nevertheless, it didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the crew who smirked and whispered with knowing looks.

"I'm glad we're okay," Tom began to speak as the music played.

"Me too," Rachel looked up at him with a full smile that Tom only then realized how much he had missed.

They swayed to the music in comfortable silence. He held her professionally as he was still in front of his crew, but the small distance between them and the gentle way he held her so tightly showed how much more this really was. He'd forgotten how good it was to feel her in his arms and Rachel remembered just how safe she felt when he held her.

"I think Tex wants to cut in," Tom whispered with a glance over her shoulder, breaking the silence.

"Don't!" Rachel spoke too quickly. "Don't let him," she spoke more softly, as she looked up at him.

"I wasn't planning on giving you up," Tom leaned closer to her face with a whisper.

Rachel looked up, blushing as a small smile crept across her face. They _were_ okay. Even more so now. They're friendship had stood the ultimate test and they'd emerged stronger than ever. Whatever their relationship was now, they knew it was only growing deeper. It would be complicated, dangerous, painful, and terrifying but more rewarding than they both could have imagined. They were okay and they would continue to be, no matter what this new world brought them. And it would bring the unimaginable, as usual.

The land Immunes would storm the building that night. Tom would try to protect Rachel but that stubborn shrapnel would move just as she'd told him it would. And in doing so, Rachel couldn't be protected. She was kidnapped and he was incapacitated. But as usual, they'd be okay. She was resilient and she had something to live for, the cure but also him. He'd stop at nothing to protect her and keep her safe again. He knew it wasn't just the cure he wanted to protect anymore. She was the one they really needed. She was the one _he_ needed. And he would make sure she knew it.

So he'd save her, as he always did. She would save him, as usual. And in the process they would continue to save the world but now, they didn't just have the world to live for, they had each other.


End file.
